Life is really a great challenger. Once you get to be born in this world, you can never run nor hide from its games. If you do not gamble, you become a loser. If you play fair, it would eat you alive. The trick is you have to have the courage to dance with it and you have to have the honor to do whatever it takes to survive the things it has prepared for you the moment your heart started its first beat.
It is just the beginning of life for me. I am twenty and that does not mean I am near the end. This is just the beginning for me and I do not have even the slightest idea how to survive life until the end. I face problems each day of my existence on earth. I face problems about what to eat for lunch or problems about whether I would go buy a family guy DVD or not. These problems are still problems no matter how great or small they may be. An ice cream is still an ice cream whether it is dirty or class-slash-supreme. What I mean is I am facing great problems now. I am facing those “I do not have money to pay for the mortgage” kinds of problems. These are far greater than the ones I mentioned earlier, but I will say it again, “THEY ARE ALL THE SAME” and one thing that concerns me is that if I find it hard to solve the little ones then how would you expect me to solve these greater problems I am in right now?
Sometimes, I think I am the only person in this world with such big stones or should I say rocks to move. No. Maybe I should include my parents. Sometimes I think my family is the only family in this world with such ROCKS to move. Good Lord. Sometimes I even think this is all not fair. Then I look around when everything gets too heavy on my side. I look around me. Oh, you bet, I see faces most of the time. I see people’s faces smiling and laughing as if telling me, “Hey, you. You are unfortunate.” Then on the other side I see the faces of those people I think contribute to the pain I feel most of the time. Then it gets darker and darker and even heavier. Then I smell the air and I smile. I am actually inhaling oxygen. I am breathing and alive. That makes me feel better at the end of the day.
Now, you may be thinking how I am able to survive two decades in this world when I cannot even solve gnome-like problems. I am not even sure about that. Well, I have my family. They do not solve them for me, but they sure help me see how it gets done. But, as I was saying, when things get darker and darker it is very hard for me to see the pieces of the puzzle and so the picture ends up chaotic and unsolved. This is where the light enters and this light is not just a light. It is a bond of different colors when seen in another perspective. Then you will just realize that in order for you to piece the puzzle of life, look at it in a different way just so you could see how wonderful the spectrum of colors is.
Now, let me get back to life – the great challenger. People say life is beautiful. It is beautiful only when you look at it that way. I have seen life for how many years now. At first, it was beautiful. Then it turned into a manipulating monster. Then it was beautiful again. Then it became a slutty bitch. Then it was beautiful again and again. In twenty years of trying to see what life really is, I realized that it is a beautiful slutty bitch trying to teach us something no one could have ever taught us. It presents challenges that could either make you or break you into pieces and I would want to go for the first one. So, instead of raising my hands up saying, “You win,” I would play the game. I am not a good player, but I am someone who is good enough to make things different. I can make something difficult look like it is a very easy task. I can make a monster look like a cuddly huggable bear-like creature and so I guess I can make life’s games look like they were not made to break me, but to make me.
Okay. I am really enjoying this thing. I am a mess right now and I have no one to talk to and so I am pouring my heart out of this piece of sssshhhh. It is working. Oh, before I forget, I want to tell you that the last time I actually looked around, I saw no faces of people saying “You are unfortunate” and I saw no faces of people who contribute pain to my life. What I saw were people on the streets begging for money. I saw kids digging gold bars from a pit of garbage. They look broken and awful, but they were happy. They were even happier than I was. They were even happier than I am. That made me realize that if these people, two hundred miles away unfortunate than I am, can get on with life smiling then I maybe I can too. You can, too. We all can.
28 SEPTEMBER 2011
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