Remember when I told you that maybe I do not deserve to be happy? Just today, I realized that I was wrong. All of us are worthy of happiness, but not all of us get to have the chance to find and grab that happiness so easily. Twenty years of existence, but I have never been so close to the peak of happiness that some of my friends (and some of the people I know) have already felt. Sure, I have been to places where I found myself laughing and smiling for countless reasons, but I do not want those places. I want to be in a place where I could cry, but in the end would feel that the tears are worth it. I want to see myself lying on the ground with someone who would choose to forget the world and would be content to have me beside him. I want to feel that I am worthy of something - that I am worthy for someone.
These past few days, I have been walking and walking towards a place I have never been to before. Every time I take a step or two, I stop for a moment and think. Am I going to continue or not? Will I be happy? Will this finally work? The hypothetical answers discourage me for a moment, but I keep on walking. Why is this so? I am not certain, but maybe it is because I want to try again. It is not easy for me - nothing's ever been that easy for me. Even so, I want to give it a try. Maybe it is because of the person who is making me feel loved and valued at the moment. Yes, there is no certainty that he will be there for me for a they lived happily ever after ending, but I want to give it a shot. I want to give it another try. Why? Because I feel happy and I want to reach the peak..or maybe just a glimpse of it.
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